pirouette123

I moved in yesterday and it went quicker than I thought. I never realized how little I actually have. I still have to bring up a few things like my animals and the rest of my clothing, but other than that, I have all my big stuff moved. We are going to also have a big television which will be nice. I also got a call from Shopko and they want me to interview. Hopefully I can get that job so then I can have two jobs and then I need to find one more. I would really like to work in a bar. My mom was a bartender, and while she didn't make the job glamourous or anything, she made it sound like a lot of fun and I wouldn't mind that job. I stay up late anyway, I don't have a problem with smoking, and I would like to learn how to make drinks anyway, although I'm sure most people just get beer. Well, I thought I would update on how the move in went and I shall visit the people up their after I go job hunting. I am going to start on my end of town and go all the way to the other end looking for a job. Well, I'll be up at school on Sunday. See you all then.

I move in tomorrow and I am excited and nervous. I am nervous because we are living on first floor, but that excites me too because now we can just shove our stuff through the sliding glass door. I am glad that I don't have that much stuff too; That also makes it easier. After I move in, I am going to go and apply for more jobs and then I am going home for a few more days. I have some laundry to do and my cousin is coming over this weekend and I haven't seen her in a while. I am really excited for tomorrow and hope it goes quickly. I absolutely despise packing and unpacking and I hate it more when I have to be up at 7:30 in the morning to get there by 9. Well, anyway, just wanted to update.

Things are actually going really well. The spat my parents and I had turned out to be really good because I got things of my chest that I had been holding in for 7 years. Then we went out and went bowling and just ran stupid errands, but it was nice. I am really itching to go dancing still and think I am going to ask a kid from work if he goes out clubbing and if he does, see if he would like to go sometime. I don't even feel close to being ready to move yet. Luckily, I had to pack up my room atleast 9 months ago now, so all my shelving and nick-nacks are packed and all that, but I just keep thinking about how many times I am going to have to go back home to get more shit. I don't quite know all that I want to bring either, but I've mentioned that in my last journal. I can't wait to be able to ride my bike to get the things that I need and then I can get down to my goal weight, 140. Amanda, or Erica, or both, when I get settled in we should work out together, it'll be fun. We can do Pilates and I'll even attempt to run. It's boring working out alone which is one of the reasons I never do it anymore. It was fun working out with Kelly last year. Well, anyway, I suppose. There isn't much more for me to say.

I am really excited to be going home tomorrow. I know that I'll probably have to work on Sunday, but atleast I'll be able to spend most of my week with my family and not just one day like the past few weekends have been. It will also be nice to take a break from here and all the drama. I can't believe it's all going to be over tomorrow, that excites me. I can't believe how everyone has changed and yet I can't see how I have in anyway. I just want to relax and now is not the time to be doing that. I want to be alone. I am really excited to be alone on Monday. I think I will get up at 11 and then make lunch and watch Days and then sing and maybe watch Phantom of the Opera on the surround sound system. I can't wait to move-in to the apartment either, even though I have no help whatsoever until that evening. So I can basically bring up all my shit and put it nowhere. I can maybe hang up some clothes, but that's it. I can't even fathom how I am going to get my bed and desk and other furniture into the car. I really don't want to make more than one trip, but I guess that's the price you pay when you have big shit. Let's see, I have one dresser, one bed, one desk, and two bookshelves, but maybe I'll only bring one. I don't know if I want to bring all my knick knacks though because I'll be moving again like two years after this one, so it doesn't seem practical. I also don't know if I want to bring my other pictures of ballet stuff for the same reason. I am also not going to bring my dolls and shit because I will probably throw them out eventually and they will take up space. I can't wait to have my dance shoes again, I know it's weird because even though I didn't have a need for them this year, I still wanted them. Anyway, this is probably boring people, so I'll leave and say goodbye to all until June 1st. I hope you have a fun summer to those of you who can't be around, but I'm sure I'll see you at the apt.

So if I do it with my real name I get her! HOTTTTTTTTTT!

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Name:
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:	190
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Apparently I am psychotic. Erin would be proud since she probably diagnosed me as such a long time ago. I went to the counselor today and she gave me a list of local psychologists. She sees that I have a lot of past issues to deal with and while she be here for the here and now, she knows that I need someone to help me with my past and my sexuality questions. I knew that she would probably refer me to someone eventually, and I knew that I need to see a psychologist anyway, but I didn't want to pay for one. I didn't think that she would refer me to one this early on. I really like her and I don't like meeting new doctors because I have a hard time telling new people things. To tell Jennifer today that I feel like I may be bisexual, or that I like S&M, and stuff like that was even hard for me, but I know that you can't like to yourself and you can't lie to the counselors either because that solves nothing in the end. I really feel good about this week. I talked to Torrion today and nothing special happened, but it felt good to know where he stands on things since last week. I get to go home this weekend which will be nice, even if just for a few hours. I really enjoy the week before finals for some reason. I feel like I have more time to myself. This is when I actually get some pleasure reading time in. I have nothing due so who cares. Well, I just wanted to share so that Erin can see that she was right all a long.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!! I want Hal Sparks soooooooooooooooooooo badly. I got to hug him even and it was like a ten second hug. I wanted to let go before he did. I related to his stand up too. He talked about how he likes to complain and how people complain about the wrong things and I said "oh me too." I absolutely love him. He is so funny, and sweet, and he's perfect. He doesn't do anything naughty like drink or smoke or do drugs. And he doesn't seem to get along with most of the cast from Queer As Folk at all. That makes me sad. But he autographed my QAF poster and my ticket stuband HE HUGGED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! Amanda and I were practically passing out. Ahd we got pictures. He is so good to his fans. I want him to be my baby daddy. :)

I realized that I also haven't updated in awhile. I am on vacay right now and it's beautiful down here. The best part is is that even Texas,beef country, has vegetarian options. Also, there is so much porn here which I find funny considering this is our President's home state and he is so pure thinking and all. I miss Jason. I've talked to him a few times and it almost makes me sad to hear how much his voice gets happy once he hears mine. It makes me sad because I know how much he resents being at home. On a brighter side, I will be home one day early. The fam is going to some crappy country concert. Going along with what Kelly wrote awhile ago, I also miss Matt. It pisses me off more I think that he doesn't speak to us because I have known him on a personal level longer than anyone. I let him cry on my shoulder when things didn't go well within our group last year. I told him things. Kelly told him things. He shared things with us, and now, it's as if we were acquaintances this whole time. He was nicer to me when I was heavily flirting with him last year. I forgave him for leading me on. I forgave him for him not telling me that he liked Kelly while I liked him. I've tried to be nice and supportive and discuss his and Erin's relationship. But all he does is contradict. He's also not comfortable about talking about sex. Neither is she for that matter. If you guys aren't comfortable talking about it in a fun and friendly way, then you shouldn't even be talking about having it, plain and simple. Don't think I don't notice the faces or the little "anyways" comments, I notice. To Erin, although you've never done anything to me personally like call me a bitch and tell me to kill myself, I still have disdain for you. I hate what you've done to my friends. You've broken down Kelly so much that she's afraid to say anything to you or around you. You've made Matt your little blow job bitch. I know what you've said about me behind my back. And what's funny is that you want it to get back to me or you wouldn't have told Kelly. You don't like me bitching about work? Too bad. What about you? You hate when you have to deal with drunk people, and Scratchy as you called him. You rolled your eyes everytime. You go and tell other people what others say to you in confidence. What kind of person are you? Do you get off on murdering people's souls? But now who's the meek and mild one? YOU! Why don't you come to lunch with us anymore? Do you feel the hatred seeping from us, well you're right, that's what it is. Well, I hope both of you are happy, alone, having a boring sex life for the rest of your lives, but it won't last that long, because I don't see the happiness in either of your eyes, especially Matt's.

I feel like I don't know what to write anymore. I mean everything that you guys can read, you already know about my life. It's annoying. Nothing happens to me outside of school really. Everyone knows everything that needs to be known. It's kind of annoying. I feel like sometimes I shouldn't even have one of these journals anymore. But, then I know I wouldn't be able to handle it. Being the gossip whore that I am, I need to have one of these. For bitching purposes at least. Anyway, I am just being random and I was just thinking of that.

Ok, I know I've bitched about this how many times, but I just can't get over it. Number 1, I utterly and completely despise Bryan and Justine. He is so pissed off at the fact that she was going to lift her skirt up for Lip Sync. I heard him whispering to her and she actually stood up for herself and asked him what the big deal was...want to know his answer? "It's disrespectful." In other words, I own you and it's hot if you do that for me, but not for everyone else. And, when the Moulin Rouge song came on, I started dancing to it. Justine commmented on how I could move or something and I swear I heard him say, "I don't want you doing that." Am I such a bad person because I embrace sexuality and enjoy it? I don't think so. I know they're banging so why would he not want her to be sexual? Another thing, I don't really know how the girls did, but from what I hear it was good. But the guys, GRRRRRRRRRR! I understand that I am a dancer and I understand this stuff and "get it" quicker, but how hard is a jazz square. I could show Jason and he would get it in two seconds. I just don't comprehend the dumbassness of people. And if Bryan would have bitched about the choreography one more time, guy's or girl's, I was going to kill him. I so wanted to bitch him out when he was talking to Justine about it, but it was their private thing and it isn't any of my business. I even slowed their stuff down for them and they couldn't get it. How retarded can you be? All in all, it was just planned very poorly. There was no communication between anyone. I found out two weeks before this that I was choreographing. Stupid didn't bother to ask when it was because I figured, if you want me to do something, then you can come find me. It's not my job to hunt you down, and that's how it is in the real world. But no, I didn't find out until last Friday that it was this Wednesday, and we didn't start choreographing until Sunday. So to everyone who had to bear with that, I'm sorry. At least you got a good show with the girls. Sorry the guys couldn't be better, but they're incompetent and they didn't learn their stuff until the night before and a certain guy was not very enthused at all about it. Well, I'm done ranting and raving. I thought Hathorn Hall was awesome. I think they should win!

Well well well, the old fashioned 17th century
vampire, one of my faves. You look for the good
things in life, you posses a lot of classical
class, and follow that of the original
vampires, you have no shame in what you are,
infact you embrace it, you love it and wouldn't
have it any other way. Your wealth is
unspeakable and your way of luring people with
your mystical ways and looks is amazing, and
most people would often call you The
Seductress. Please rate this quiz!


What Kind Of Vampire Would You Be. (New And Improved, With COOL Pics!!!) FOR GIRLS ONLY!!!!
brought to you by Quizilla

I am so happy for everyone right now. We all pretty much have what we want...at least in the core group. Congratulations to everyone!

Ok, most of you know the details of Friday night, but there are a few things that I left out. So Kelly, Abe and I went to Deja Vu on Friday. That is the most fun I've had all year and definitely the most fun I've had in a really long time. Yeah I go for the boobs and the girls, but I also go for other reasons. I need to see that the girls that people see as perfect have imprefections. I need to learn new dance moves because that is my most favorite thing in the world to do. Also, the girls love seeing other girls there so I feel really important. They'll actually talk to me about their jobs, not just talk to me to get their money. It's sometimes the only place I can go and not feel like I'm being used. Well, we left there at about 12:30 and went to Sex World because Abe had never been there. We didn't stay long because Kelly and I were just there on Tuesday. On the drive back we got pulled over by a State Trooper. I was going 70 in a 55, but there is no reason to go that slow on the damn freeway. I never have received a ticket though so my record came off clean and he just let me off with a written warning, which for a State Trooper, is really nice. I so thought I was screwed. It was funny looking back on it. I could only handle going the speed limit for like three miles though. Then we went to Perkins and stayed there until 2:30ish. Then we came back to River Falls and went to Abe's house. We drank a little but it hit me really hard because I was so tired to begin with. He drove us back at 5 in the morning. I didn't sleep for very long and ended up taking a nap the next day.

How dare anyone even say that writing things in LJ is being passive-aggresive and weak. Maybe the reason that we all do that whole thing is because we can never even talk to each other without someone getting pissy and building defenses. Since I'm apparently so hard to talk to, how else am I supposed to get my feelings out? Or for once, I want to say something and have it stay focused on me. I don't want to hear "anyways" and then start a new conversation so it can be about that person who said it. And by the way, it's fucking "anyway," you sound ignorant if you say "anyways". And just because people seem to think that Jason and I fight so often, I'll set it straight: we don't. We may ARGUE...huge difference! See, Jason and I are at this stage called adulthood where we don't have to fight and "hate" each other for the rest of the day. And by the way, I do have a right to ask what his standards are because I want to know. Was I upset when I heard them yes, but atleast he was honest. And frankly, if you don't get into arguments with your partner, there is something wrong. You're either talking about superficial things or you're too busy fucking around. My second point about this whole LJ thing is that not one of you, especially the females, can't tell me that you never write/wrote shitty things about your friends in your actual diary/journal. That is a place to put your feelings. And in this day and age, full of rage and anger, you need an outlet to get out how you feel so that person it's about can read it, take it in, and maybe talk to you about it later. So no, LJ is not catty, it's your personal feelings and since it's your journal, you reserve the right to use the word "I" and you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

I was so excited to see Kelly, Matt and Erin at Petco tonight. They couldn't stay long, but it brightened up the shitty drive that I just had to get there. Kelly gave me the present she made for me and it was awesome. Kelly, I wish I could have told you how much I love it, but those damn customers always get in the way. It's amazing and I love the little bit of color you added, it makes it that much more cool. And, thanks for putting it in a frame. That was really cool too. So thanks again Kelly, I really loved it. I am now extremely excited to get back to school. I can't wait to see my friends and be able to spend time with them. I wish I could have talked to you guys more tonight, but that's what happens when you're a cashier. Well, I will talk to you all tomorrow. I am going to drop off all my stuff at school and then I have to go to Petco to get crickets b/c I didn't have time to get any tonight. See you guys tomorrow. Good night

So, this is the saddest thing I have seen in my life. We have so many animals in the backroom at Petco that we don't have space to house anymore...honestly. It seems like everything is a spiral there. If one tank of fish is sick, then then next one becomes sick and the next one, etc... If one hamster has wet tail the other ones do and well, you get the idea. It is defintely time to be back in school so that I am closer to work. This hour long drive is killing me. It wouldn't be a hour if people knew how to merge and not worry about the fact that it's rush hour. If people followed the speed limit and let someone in once in awhile, then we could eliminate this little problem called rush hour. On an up note, my frogs are doing well as are my eight bettas. Also, I am very happy right now. I haven't taken my meds in like three days and I feel fine. It's good when things start to look up. It makes me feel like there is beauty in human kind and that we can be civilized being when we try to be. Well, I'm a little tired, so I guess I will stop writing now. Goodnight all!

Why does everything have to be soooooooo bleeding annoying at home. I'm tired of my parents just knocking and then entering with out waiting for me to say come in. What if I'm changing? I'm tired of being woken up every morning because they are morning people and they have no respect for people that sleep in. I've been woken up every day this week. Why do they have to be involved with my personal life at such an early stage of it? I am so tired of being tossed in and out of MY room when I'm home. I don't have a room even, I have a living space that might as well be public domain! I want my room with the never open door that never gets barged in upon. This, to the rest of you, probably doesn't matter, but it pisses me off. I want to be able to listen to music at a decent level and be able to sing whenever I want and since I'm a night person, that means when everyone else is sleeping. I could do it and face the Wrath, but I also have this thing called respect for people who are sleeping unlike them. I honestly want to get up in the morning sometime and play Chevelle really loud so they get woken up. I just want to go back to school and feel comfortable and the next time my dad asks me to come home for the weekend, I think I'll finally have the balls to tell him this, because it is always him that is doing this, minus the opening door part, they both do that.